Pard in a Poncho: ¡Francés!

¡Francés!

French!

Our next city was Granada and, like my next stops Madrid aside, it's in Andalucía. Andalucía and its culture tend to embody a foreigner's perception of Spain as a whole: sun, desert landscapes, bullfighting (which is particularly common here), flamenco and siesta. A friend in Sevilla, who we will meet in 2 stops time, has confirmed that these stereotypes are essentially true, even if the hype surrounding them blows them up and mocks them into unreal proportions. It is hot in the afternoon, it's usually the tourists who are silly enough to venture out from 2-5pm, while everyone else is holed up behind their shutters with a fan on. Most people go on holiday to relax and a beach usually is part and parcel of that expectation for many; chances are if you came to Spain with your parents or your children, you went South or South East. Not North where it rains and doesn't get much past 30 in high summer! Flamenco has its origins from Indian dance and it was cultivated to the flamenco we know today by Gitanos (gypsies) who first landed in Andalucía, and the Andalucíans themselves.

Granada is a tourist hub, particularly popular with Americans and, for unknown reasons, many French Canadians. We arrived at the hostel, which soon became a setting for the greatest-as-yet-unwritten soap opera I have witnessed. You could not make it up...

Scene one: We arrive to find an American girl in my designated bed, assured by the 2 signs telling me I must keep to my assigned bed I ask her which is her bed. I get told to go back to reception. Reception tells me to take another one, and no they won't change my hostel card details. I begin to highly doubt their bed policy.

Scene two: We meet Kipp, an Australian and a slightly creepy Algerian. Rest of the room thinks we're physically and mentally unstable as I'm medicated on antihistamines and cream for mosquito bites, the repellent we bought contains something capable of making us vaguely high, Sarah's sunburn from Valencia looks like it needs urgent hospitalisation and we're generally loud and eccentric British people, who look like they have an average age of about 19.

Scene three: We meet a handsome man (olive skin, longish dark hair, artist mustache, arty in general). Katherine approves of this gentlemen and tells me 'J'aime le garcon', as she believes arty boy can speak Spanish, and obviously English given American girl is trying to flirt with him. I reply 'frog?' having no clue what it is she likes and then utter one of my stock year 8 French phrases. Boy looks up and asks us why we're speaking in French. I reply that we have a joke about a coursemate in French Canada on his year abroad in an attempt to learn French (this is actually true btw). Boy then tells us he is from French Canada. We then look mad.

Scene four: The night before Frog and American girl went out to see a flamenco show. Sarah awakens in the morning and sees 2 figures in the Frog's bed. Sarah cannot see Katherine's bed from her bed and presumes Katherine is in Frog's bed with me. She then sees the Frog's face and realizes 'Claire doesn't have a mustache' and thinks Katherine is in bed with the Frog. She then finds Katherine in bed and realizes American Girl is in bed with Frog. Katherine wakens me with the ominous words 'there's been a development', to which I sleepily question if Sarah's sunburnt leg has fallen off.

Scene five: American girl and Frog leave, but we see her and exchange waves in the city. We see Frog in the hostel and concur they have rented a private room. We have little time to dwell on this before the receptionist calls to Sarah to help him. He has fallen over or fainted after not eating for about 48 hours. Sarah fetches food while Katherine rings his boss and his 'friend', who replies that he doesn't know an Alejandro, sorry... The receptionist rings his mum and tells her he had to drag himself after falling over 3 times and that he is bleeding from his head and chest (he isn't). A woman asks me if I work there, I tell her no, but the receptionist has fainted and can I help? Her room key doesn't work, well the receptionist has fainted, but her room key doesn't work (and repeat).

Scene six: A new person appears in the room, after chatting with him, it dawns on me he has taken Katherine's bed. He has to swap when he comes in in the early hours of the morning as their bed number policy has failed.

Additional scene 1: We saw a bin smoking and obviously on fire, Katherine insisted I take a photo, while Sarah who doesn't speak Spanish actually went into the nearest shop to inform them of the hazard.

Additional scene 2: We were admiring the view, when we over heard some Northerners coming down the hill, one saying 'We're in Granada now, Jan'. Just was Katherine was taking a photo of Sarah and I and the view, this Northern chap plonks himself down with us and link arms for the photo. Sarah and Katherine are from the North. The Northern connection exists.